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It was the strangest thing…

At the Sassy Mastermind Retreat in San Diego recently, I was featured in a success panel, had my “Possibility Portraits” displayed to acclaim, was privately thanked for my contributions, reconnected with loving friends, AND had our mentor, Lisa Sasevich, generously promote me (I’m painting her family’s Possibility Portrait).

You’d think I’d be on top of the world!
But you’d be dead wrong.

Sassy Mastermind group (I’m in red hat & dress)

There I was, blessed with public recognition, peer appreciation, and love — and yet I couldn’t take in any of it, because I felt so completely unworthy. Inside I kept thinking, “Ha!  You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I’m really like…”

The truth is I’d been feeling stuck for weeks, resisting changes I was experiencing in my business and feeling anxious and unsure about what direction to go next. All the praise at the Retreat only heightened my embarrassment that I, a supposed visioning expert, just couldn’t see my way forward!  My confidence was completely shaken.

Fortunately I’ve learned enough to know that when we feel stuck, it’s vital to reach out for support from people who will remind us of our true power. So I stopped trying to hide my distress, and started telling the tear-stained truth about what I was going through.  (I’m blessed to have many people in my life who can be counted on to remind me of my power when I’m down, just as I do for them and my clients.)

What amazing support I received!  Like the simple reminder that I am in the midst of a process of deep inquiry, and can trust that I will be guided through it — IF I open myself up to guidance. (Oh yeah, I’d been forgetting to journal, meditate, pray, examine dreams, and track synchronicities… to actually ASK for guidance from Source!)

And recalling the power of making requests and asking for support.  If I hadn’t asked, I couldn’t have received the profoundly healing belief-change session led by my friend, colleague, and fellow Sassy, Nikkea Devida (she’s next to me in the photo above, in the blue jacket). Because I asked, Nikkea guided 4 of us women through a beautiful process that left me feeling clearer and more peaceful than I had in ages. I love Nikkea’s powerful, scientifically-based belief change work, and in fact am learning how to do it myself; you’re invited to listen in when I interview her on Sept. 21. Click here for details and to get call-in info.

And remembering that the only way out of changes that scare us is through them.  When we stop running away — and instead dive in with a spirit of curiosity:  “what can I learn here?” — we open ourselves up to insight, new possibilities for action, and even a sense of play and wonder.

It helps to have coach for this process, and my wise friend John coached me uncover a repressed issue in my marriage that I thought was “fine,” but was in fact creating lots of anxiety and confusion in my business. (I had no idea… have you ever noticed a connection between how things go in your work and your intimate relationship? I’d love to hear about it.)

Now that I see the work there is to do in my marriage, I feel much clearer. Even though it will be challenging, it’s also the path to a big breakthrough in our relationship — and also in my business, and my own growth.  All that icky stuff is part of my Shadow, what I’ve been avoiding and fearing… yet when we actually stop and examine our Shadow, it always has gifts for us.

One last lesson I re-remembered: the surest way out of feeling stuck is to take imperfect action — do something bold, even if you aren’t sure about it, even though you’re not ready. Writing this article is an example of that: I wanted to wait until I had some breakthroughs to report. But that could take a while… ;p and I’m tired of pretending I have it all together, and ready to share what I’m learning just from being in the process of exploring change — with no idea where it will lead.  (Getting comfortable with the unknown is perhaps the greatest gift I’ve received; not easy for someone like me who always wants to know the answers!) So stay tuned.

All this telling the truth, asking for guidance, examining our Shadow, and taking imperfect action isn’t comfortable or easy, but it is necessary preparation for a new level of growth and clarity. We have to till the soil to get it ready for planting new seeds…  I’ll be sharing this process in detail (and answering your questions, and learning from your stories) in my free call, How to Get Unstuck: 3 Surprising Ways to Shift, Recharge, and Flow with Change on Sept. 29. Click here to join us.

Speaking of change — my colleague and friend, Hilary Barrett, has organized a wonderful “Festival of Change” at the beginning of September. There are 6 very interesting speakers (including me, yay! See more here) and the whole theme has just set me thinking…

Change is inevitable. Life is Change.

So let’s work with it, embrace it, discard the beliefs that hold us back, and move forward with confidence and clarity!

I know my journey is meant to be shared with others. In fact, this is what makes all ups and downs worth it — so when I break through to new levels, you can too!  Please tell me if this article sparks thoughts about your own journey; I’m glad we’re on this path together.

Build the SOIL to nurture your growth!

The second of the 6 Secrets that Supercharge Your Success is “Build the SOIL” (create the favorable conditions) that make growth and change EASY.

If you garden, you know that plants need the right soil and conditions to grow:
Put a beautiful, healthy plant in rocky soil that doesn’t provide what it needs — and it will soon wilt, or even die.

We’re a lot like that beautiful plant. We have so many gifts, so much love, so much wisdom and vision to share (that’s what makes us beautiful!) — but often the conditions around us make it hard for our gifts to bear fruit. Or worse, they cause our gifts to shrivel up so that even we can’t see their beauty.

Indeed poor conditions affect growth and success in every area of life: health, finance, relationships, organization, happiness… And cause lots of unnecessary stress and frustration.

The good news: you can easily create conditions that support you!

But first, you have to lift your head up from banging it against the wall (metaphorically, I hope!), and see what’s missing.

4 Simple Steps to See What’s Holding You Back — and what you can do about it!

Take a habit you want to change, or an area of your life where you feel stressed or dissatisfied:

1.  List exactly what you’re currently doing (or not doing) in this area, and how that makes you feel.

2.  Now, how do you want things to be in this area?  What’s your goal? And if you achieved it, how would it feel?

3. What’s MISSING that would help you feel more satisfied and successful in this area, and/or make it easier to achieve your goals or vision?  (”What’s missing” might be as simple as a hug or a nap, or as complex as a support network or workable filing system. Note: if you answered that what’s missing is “time” or “money”, dig deeper…)

4. What conditions can you put in place that will fulfill what’s missing?

Here’s an example, a woman I worked with wanted to lose weight:

In step 1 she saw that her habit of coming home from work and having a couple of drinks led her to over-eat.

In step 2, she realized that this habit fulfilled a need (”bad” habits tend to): she needed to relax when she got home from work!  But she wanted to be able to relax after work AND also lose weight… that would feel great.

In step 3, she identified was missing: a way to relax after work that didn’t lead to weight gain.

In step 4, she created conditions to make it easy to relax after work without over-eating: she decided to set up her paints and easel right where she sat down when she got home. “Playing with color is really relaxing and fun for me!” she explained. “I’ll do that instead of snacking. And I’ll make a cup of tea when I get home, instead of pouring a glass of wine.” (To make that easier, she put the teas down on the counter and moved the wine up out reach.)

There are 4 general categories of nurturing conditions.  Which will help you the most with your habit or goal?:

• Practices: nurturing activities you do regularly (daily or weekly), such as meditating, exercising, keeping a gratitude journal, eating healthily, “clearing” yourself before leading an event or class,  scheduling “dates” with your partner, or asking for help when you want it.

• Social support: creating and using a network of people who support you. Your network could include a Mastermind group, board of directors, or friends who support your vision; paid helpers or advisors, such as a coach, virtual assistant, babysitter, or accountant; partners, like an exercise buddy or joint venture business partner; and confidants, people whose advice you trust and who you allow to know you “warts and all.”  Note: you have to give on the same level you want to receive support — in time, energy, or money.

• Rituals: symbolic actions or ceremonies that mark (or create) a shift from one stage or state to another. Rituals can be as simple as your morning coffee that tells you “time to get to work”, or as elaborate and meaningful as a milestone birthday party or graduation ceremony. Rituals tend to be under-used in our culture; a valuable one that’s very simple is the personal retreat (or an “artist date,” from The Artist’s Way.)  Even a few hours alone in a pretty spot with your journal can profoundly shift things…

• Physical changes that restructure your environment, such as clearing out clutter, reorganizing your office, setting up an altar or art space in your home — or setting up painting supplies in the kitchen and moving the wine.

Want help seeing conditions that will make it easier to fulfill your goals?

Apply for *complimentary* Strategy Session with me, where we examine your business or big project, your goals and challenges, and where you are now and where you want to be. Then we’ll discover what is the single most important thing you can do now to get to that place.

If your application is accepted, get ready for a powerful, inspiring, and potentially life-changing conversation — at no charge! Apply now

(surprise — it’s NOT about willpower or hard work!)

We grow up hearing words of wisdom like:

“Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration“ – Thomas Edison
“Willpower is the key to success“– Dan Millman

Well, they’re WRONG.

It’s a good thing, too, because you’ve probably noticed you can’t always count on your “willpower,” and frankly, you just don’t like “hard work” — even if you’re a hard worker.

Indeed you may have had the unpleasant experience of working really hard on something you want — like weight loss, a business, or a dream — and being really determined, yet failing all the same…

Does this mean you must be an idiot, or a lazy, bad person?  No, of course not!
It just means you missed one, or more, of the 6 Secrets that Supercharge Success.

People who are highly successful intuitively apply these 6 Secrets, without being aware of the process they’ve used to succeed. I only discovered the 6 Secrets myself when I interviewed some of my clients a year or two after they’d done vision board workshops with me.

Talking to them, I noticed something interesting: those who fulfilled their dreams and manifested everything on their vision boards, had applied the same 6 Secrets.  And of those who didn’t succeed, or only partially succeeded, all missed 1 or more of the Secrets.   Apparently all 6 Secrets are needed to make the difference between flourishing success, beyond your imagining… and failure.

Which of these 6 Secrets That Supercharge Success have you been leaving out?

(We’ll be delving into the 6 Secrets, and applying them, in my 6 month “Grow Your Dreams Intensive” starting in June.)

Secret #1  Plant the SEED.

Get clarity about what you truly want and who you authentically are — your big vision — with visioning tools.

Stay focused and inspired by creating a visual reminder (vision board, “Possibility Portrait”).   Then create intentions & creative projects aligned with your vision.

This clarity, focus & inspiration is the seed for everything.

Secret #2  Build the SOIL.

Create conditions that nurture the changes you desire — with practices, social support, rituals, and structural  changes that make these changes easy. No more frustration, or beating yourself up!

• Practices: supportive activities you do daily or weekly, like meditation, exercise, journaling, eating healthily, scheduling time to pay bills or be out in nature;
• Social support could be a Mastermind group, a virtual assistant, coach or mentor, exercise buddy, joint venture partner, trusted confidants, a loving partner ;
• Rituals: symbolic actions or ceremonies that mark (or create) a shift from one stage or state to another. Rituals can be as simple as your morning coffee that tells you “time to get to work”, or as elaborate and meaningful as a milestone birthday party or graduation ceremony;
• Structural changes in your environment, such as a better filing system, clearing out junk, setting up an altar or meditation area, reorganizing your office, creating a studio space in your home.

Secret #3 WATER.

Take action aligned with your big vision — persistently, purposefully, patiently, playfully! –  to bring it to life.  (Without purposeful action regularly “watering” your vision, your vision is just a fantasy and will never become real.)

There are many ways to take action. What’s key is to break bigger actions down into bite-sized, manageable chunks, and keep taking actions in your stretch zone, where you’re a bit uncomfortable or even slightly scared. (Stay in your comfort zone = no progress; stretch too far = panic zone and overwhelm!)

Secret #4  WEED.

Uproot the limiting beliefs and situations that hold you back. The first step is to notice that you have beliefs, and perhaps situations, that are stopping you on multiple levels from fulfilling your dreams.

To uproot them, address the 4 levels on which they effect you:

• mentally.  “Reframe” limiting beliefs and positions, with tools like Byron Katie’s “The Work,” Landmark Education exercises, or affirmations used with a vision board.
• emotionally. Working with images can be very effective here. Some tools: dream work; “Re-seeing” vision boards;  using archetypes, symbols, or animal totems in creative expression — art work, dance, mask-making, acting exercises;
• physically. Take action in the face of fear; use massage or other bodywork to move through emotional blocks; take challenges such as a high ropes course or walking on hot coals;
• energetically. Tools: Reiki, Kundalini yoga, Shamballa, healing energy work, shamanic journeys…

Secret #5. FEED.

Use feedback to focus and deepen your growth and your vision. Seek 3 types of feedback: from Source or your inner wisdom; from people who support your growth & vision; and visual feedback.

• Feedback from Source: Tools: “Tracking” to confirm that you’re on track with your big vision; prayer; “Active Imagination” journaling; meditation.
• Feedback from trusted people such as a coach, mentor, Mastermind group, advisors, or sacred circle. Brainstorm solutions together; seek suggestions; make yourself accountable to take uncomfortable — but liberating — actions;
• Visual feedback is any way to see progress toward goals. Examples: keep chart of “how did I do today?” for goal, practice, or intention; write action steps on Post-It notes and move them to “Accomplished!” poster as you complete them.

Secret #6. HARVEST.

Truly receive all the goodness in your life!  Give thanks for results received, celebrate accomplishments big and small, practice gratitude and acknowledgement daily.

The more you do this, the more there is to receive…

Want to see what’s the most strategic thing you can do to grow your dreams?

Apply for a *FREE* “Grow Your Dreams” Strategy Session: Click here to fill out the form!

“Hi Pamela,

Most of the people in my life are, and always have been, employees.  They either don’t take my efforts to build my own business seriously, or they outright warn me not to quit my job.  The unspoken message is clear:  ‘you’re not good enough or smart enough to build a successful business‘ (at least that’s the impression I get).  These are people who have always played it safe.  Of course, I used to be one of them!

I am building relationships with other woman business owners, but my closest friends and family members are still important to me — and I have a hard time ignoring their negative messaging!  Any advice as to how to handle that would be helpful.

Thanks so much,

You can’t force them to change; the only thing you can control is your reaction to their comments. Fortunately there’s a lot of power in that.

Consider that your “impression” isn’t the only possible interpretation. Could it be that rather than criticizing you, they’re just expressing their own fears? They love you, and want to protect you from all the dangers they imagine. And since you know the joy of stretching yourself and pursuing what matters to you, you can be compassionate with these folks who have always played it safe and are too timid to even let themselves dream.

How this might look: “Thanks, Uncle Jim, I know you want the best for me and are worried what will happen if I quit my job. I appreciate how much you care.”

If they persist in being negative, don’t try to justify or explain yourself (they won’t get it!) — just smile appreciatively, say “thanks, I’ll think about that,” and change the subject.

If you can keep on seeing and acknowledging the love behind their “criticism,” you might be amazed at how much the criticism can soften.

Let me know how it goes!

You’re luckier than you know, surrounded by so much caring “criticism” (grin)…

All the best,
Pamela

“I don’t deserve it!” As soon as the words blurted from my mouth, I felt tears of embarrassment. How could I say something so stupid — after all the work I’ve done, too!

I was at Miraval Spa in Tuscon AZ as part of my year-long Sassy Mastermind business-and- spirit adventure with mentor Lisa Sasevich, and I’d just been asked by fellow member Amethyst Wyldfyre (right) why I wasn’t willing to spend $65 on a spa treatment I wanted.

Because I’ve never been to a spa. Because I don’t “waste money.” Because I’m not like the “spoiled rich people”  who go to spas.(!?) Because I don’t deserve to do nice things for myself….

Yikes. As Amethyst and I talked, I saw how deeply this limiting belief has been sabotaging my business and my life (and distanced me from all the perfectly lovely “rich people” out there). It’s stopped me from:

* asking for help when I could have really used it. (Anyone else out there feel you always gotta handle it yourself?)

* charging for my services according to the value I deliver. (Anyone else out there waaay undercharging?)

* receiving what I want and need to fulfill what matters to me — $$, self-care, time off, taking in all the love and support around me. (Anyone else who’s struggled and stressed and not taken care of yourself, although you KNOW you have a lot to contribute and can’t when you’re stressed out?)

Even though I could see how how destructive my limiting belief was, I knew it’d come up again…

So I created an alternative thought to tell myself when “I don’t deserve it” shows up: “I am SO worth it!” –with hand on hip, tee hee.  (We call this “reframing your limiting belief” in Vision-Powered Planning.)

I’m also practicing an affirmation I got at Miraval: “I am open to receiving my heart’s desire.”

And darned if I didn’t receive one of my heart’s desires just a few hours later: in my “hotseat” coaching with Lisa Sasevich and Lisa Cherney, above, I received deep affirmation of the value and uniqueness of my Possibility Portraits — and the path to serving many more people, at a much higher level, for far more money, than I’d ever imagined.

In fact I’ve experiencing “receiving my heart’s desire” many times since then. Like in this moment: the late winter sun, surprisingly warm, just blazed out from behind the clouds. What more could my winter-weary heart desire?

Part of receiving all the good around me is also acknowledging it: for example telling the Miraval massage therapist how blessed I felt by his work and all that I received from it. (Added joy: seeing how touched he was by my appreciation…)

Lisa Zimmerman of www.soullevelsolutions.com calls receiving “the energy of allowing love (undefended) to flow into your heart” and says receiving is a spiritual practice for all “serial givers.” Are you a “giver” — or thwarted giver — too?

We can only give fully to others when we treat ourselves with love, respect and kindness. And the world needs each of our gifts!  So what’s something kind you can do for yourself today?  How much are you willing to receive?