What to do when they don’t support you?
“Hi Pamela,
Most of the people in my life are, and always have been, employees. They either don’t take my efforts to build my own business seriously, or they outright warn me not to quit my job. The unspoken message is clear: ‘you’re not good enough or smart enough to build a successful business‘ (at least that’s the impression I get). These are people who have always played it safe. Of course, I used to be one of them!
I am building relationships with other woman business owners, but my closest friends and family members are still important to me — and I have a hard time ignoring their negative messaging! Any advice as to how to handle that would be helpful.
Thanks so much,
Dear Jackie,
You’re doing the right thing by creating new, positive relationships to support you in following your dreams. We all need supportive people around us! But of course you still care about your loved ones, even though they seem so unsupportive and critical.
You can’t force them to change; the only thing you can control is your reaction to their comments. Fortunately there’s a lot of power in that.
Consider that your “impression” isn’t the only possible interpretation. Could it be that rather than criticizing you, they’re just expressing their own fears? They love you, and want to protect you from all the dangers they imagine. And since you know the joy of stretching yourself and pursuing what matters to you, you can be compassionate with these folks who have always played it safe and are too timid to even let themselves dream.
How this might look: “Thanks, Uncle Jim, I know you want the best for me and are worried what will happen if I quit my job. I appreciate how much you care.”
If they persist in being negative, don’t try to justify or explain yourself (they won’t get it!) — just smile appreciatively, say “thanks, I’ll think about that,” and change the subject.
If you can keep on seeing and acknowledging the love behind their “criticism,” you might be amazed at how much the criticism can soften.
Let me know how it goes!
You’re luckier than you know, surrounded by so much caring “criticism” (grin)…
All the best,
Pamela
June 22nd, 2010 at 4:44 pm
I would like to start off by thanking you for the useful information you are supplying! I will definitly bookmark your URL for future reading.